Pekak kan telinga, pejam kan mata

Pernah.
Pernah tak, kau tengok dari jauh saja?
Pernah tak, kau lari bila kau tau “shit’s about to get real”.

Pernah tak, kau menyesal using up all your
passion & effort for all the wrong person?
Pernah tak, kau masih termenung, thinking why
was you so stupid to fall for it, again & again.

Pernah.
Sesuatu yang pernah.
Pernah menceriakan.
Pernah membahagiakan.
Pernah membuatkan kau jadi lupa tentang dunia.

& now.
Bukan lagi pernah.
Tp masih menyakitkan.

Till this date, I’ll shut down from all the
possibilities that crossed my way.
It used to be, that other party finds reason to break me.
Find reason to leave me, & hurt me.

But this time, I’m programmed a little differently.
Tbh, I’ve lost myself.
I’m drunk most of the nights.
On some nights, i’m just tipsy.
& for every stop-by I have for the past months,
I’m the one who looked for an exit.
I’m the one running through that exit.
I’m the one, hurting myself.

Maybe, just maybe.
This time, i am just too damaged to be fix.
Maybe this time,
I am building up a higher wall,
To lock up myself, alone....
With a bottle of whiskey in hand.